After finding out that you were pregnant with your first baby, you wasted no time preparing for the baby’s arrival. You read all the baby books and articles you could find. You took special classes to help with breastfeeding and parenting. You made sure to stock up on Onesies® Brand Bodysuits and other newborn essentials well in advance of baby’s arrival.
But nothing could truly prepare you for the realities of motherhood. Your body is sore from recently having a baby, your emotions are all over the place and you’re suddenly second-guessing every little decision.
It’s stressful and overwhelming, which is why you shouldn’t hesitate to ask for help, new mama. Seriously, don’t feel guilty about it! Here’s how to ask for help as a new mom so you can start feeling less overwhelmed in your new role and more like the strong, capable mother you are.
1. Practice asking for help for the baby.
A lot of moms have trouble asking for help because they don’t want to impose. Are you in this camp? If so, get in the habit of asking for help for your baby rather than yourself. Can you grab a bottle for the baby? Can you do some laundry for the baby? Shifting the request to help the baby rather than you might make you feel more comfortable.
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2. Communicate your needs clearly to your partner.
Once your baby is born, your partner may feel a little helpless. To them, it seems like all the baby wants is mama and her milk. It’s important to remember that your partner can’t read your mind, so be specific about what you need from dad. Do you want him to sneak you a snack and a drink while you breastfeed? Just ask him. Do you need him to distract the baby while you take a quick shower? Put him in charge of tummy time for the baby while you get cleaned up. (Psst…this is also a great bonding opportunity for dad and baby.) In all honesty, dad will probably be super relieved to have some clear direction from you in those early days.
3. Allow visitors to lend a helping hand.
Currently, the coronavirus outbreak is causing many families to restrict visitations during the baby’s first six weeks of life. But if/when you decide to allow friends and family to see your new bundle of joy, don’t be afraid to politely put them to work. For instance, you could have them feed the baby a bottle or hold the baby while you run a quick load of laundry or take a shower. And if they volunteer to help, don’t let the opportunity go to waste! Have a list of chores ready that anyone can do, such as walking the dog or sorting through baby clothes.
4. Know what kind of help you need.
As a new mom, it can be tricky to know what kind of help you really need in the beginning. Some mothers want all hands on deck to help with their new baby, while others get stressed out if there are too many people in the house at one time.
So, how do you figure out what kind of help you need? When your new arrival comes home, give yourself a week or so to get into the rhythm of things. You may be surprised to discover that you need more emotional support than hands-on help or vice versa.
5. help with meal prep.
Mama’s got to eat! But seriously, breastfeeding burns a lot of calories so you want to make sure that you’re eating healthy and nutritious snacks to keep both your energy levels and your milk production high. Since finding the time to eat with a newborn can be a real challenge, ask your friends and family to help with meal prep. If they ask what you want, keep it simple. Tell them to pick up a roasted chicken, a veggie platter or a fruit tray at the store. If they love to cook, ask them to prepare freezer-friendly meals (chicken tikka masala, anyone?) that you can eat at your convenience.
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6. Outsource household chores.
If you can afford to outsource your worst household chores—cleaning, yard work, groceries—by all means, you should consider it. The less time you spend picking up groceries and cleaning your home is more time that you can spend caring for your baby and catching up on some much-needed sleep. Start by looking up local house cleaning services with high reviews. You can also check out Task Rabbit, which is a website that is chock-full of qualified people who can knock out a number of household duties.
7. When in doubt, call your pediatrician.
Stressing over your baby’s non-stop crying? Unsure whether your baby’s drowsiness is normal or not? Call your pediatrician, even if it seems like a silly question.
Don’t talk yourself out of it. Your pediatrician would almost certainly rather have you call them than shrug off something that could be serious. And besides, it will make you feel less anxious! Either they’ll tell you it’s nothing (yay, baby’s OK!) or confirm that you did the right thing and ask you to bring the baby in for a visit.
Be Kind to Yourself
Being a new mom is incredibly difficult. Contrary to popular belief, there is no way to completely prepare for your little bundle of joy—you mostly end up learning the ropes as you go. Adjusting to motherhood takes time, so be gentle with yourself! Ask for help when you need it and let others pitch in whenever possible. With patience and a strong support system, you can celebrate the highs and overcome the lows.
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