How to Help My Child Make Friends at School: 10 Proven Ways

Aside from home, the school plays a vital role in a child’s development, not just because they provide them with the education they need but also because it’s where they can meet and socialize with kids their age. However, not all children can easily make friends which is why you might be wondering how to help your child make friends at school.

If you find your child having trouble making friends in kindergarten, for example, you have come to the right place. Here, we will be discussing 10 effective ways you can help them develop their social skills and make more friends.

What to Do When Your Child Has No Friends

Once your child reaches the ages of 3 or 4, you may start noticing the patterns of how they make friends as this is the age when they will be seeking out other children with similar interests.

If you notice your child or if their teachers start reporting to you that your child is a bit of a loner and have behavioural issues when it comes to dealing with his/her peers, then it might be something worth looking into.

While Googling for the characteristics of an unpopular child can give you some insight into why, it’s still ideal to observe your child yourself. Consider these questions:

• Are they eating well? Or enough?
• Are they getting enough sleep?
• Do they have other difficulties in school like keeping up with schoolwork?
• Are they being constantly exposed to age-appropriate stimuli?
• Are they active enough?

Aside from these, you should also reflect on how you are as a parent. Do you have enough friends? Do you engage in social activities with them? Are they good role models for your child?

Don’t panic if your child doesn’t have friends as there are other reasons why. They may have a more individualistic or introverted personality. Maybe they just don’t get along well with their classmates because of the stark contrast in personality traits.

How to Help a Child with No or Limited Social Skills

If you’re thinking “my child has no friends” and “how to help my child make friends at school,” then you’re off to a good start. If your child simply has no or limited social skills – something that can have several reasons why, then here are some things you can do to help them develop those skills and approach their peers.

Observe how your child socialises but from afar

By observing them from afar, you’ll see if there are any differences between how they behave at school and home. This will give you valuable insight into why they’re having difficulties and allow you to come up with more effective strategies to help them make friends at school.

Exhibit a more positive social behaviour

Our children imitate what we do and if we are less than social, then it only makes sense that our children tend to be more shy, leading to challenges when making friends at school. By exhibiting a more outgoing behaviour, our children will learn by example and learn what they need to do to make friends at school.

Practise through roleplay

Some children have difficulties striking up conversations because they’re worried they’ll make a mistake and embarrass themselves. To help them build their self-confidence, why not roleplay conversations? That way, they can learn how to calm themselves down when striking up a conversation with their classmates and help them make more friends.

Help them acclimatise  

Similar to roleplaying, your child may be nervous about joining school activities because it’s foreign to them. Give them a head start by engaging in the activity with them, helping them acclimatise to the environment and become more comfortable.

Become their emotional coach

We all know how tough and stressful school can get which is why our children must know how to properly deal with the stress and negative emotions brought by it. Help them develop coping skills that will allow them to manage their stress while being more sympathetic to others as well.

Set up play dates yourself

For our younger ones, it can be a good idea to set a playdate with another child to help them socialize in a more comfortable setting. Creating a warm and inviting environment can do wonders for coaxing your child out of there shell and thrive in a social situation.

Positive reinforcement

If making friends at school is difficult for your child, then telling them how proud you are with their efforts can help them gain the self-confidence to approach more classmates. Even if the progress is slow, constantly remind them that they’re loved and that you’re proud.

Face the problem bravely

While it might be tempting to simply coddle your child and let them stay at home with you, it will just make socialising worse for them as this only lets them stay deeper in their comfort zone. This doesn’t mean that you should force them either; instead, lead them gently but bravely into confronting the issue as some discomfort is only natural for a shy child.

Never compare them with others

Some parents do this albeit unknowingly but comparing them with other children like siblings or friends’ children can only further damage their self-esteem, leading to them further retreating in their shell. Each person is unique and so is your child so they may simply need a different approach to making friends.

Let them know they’re not alone

While it may seem so, your child isn’t probably the only one facing challenges when it comes to making friends at school. Letting them know that can help them feel less frustrated with their issues and while this won’t magically make them more sociable, it might give them the push needed to seek out others.

You can also grab our very own Self-Esteem and Confidence Journal for kids and complete a few pages each day.

Where to Make Friends Outside School

If your child is on the younger side, then setting up playdates with other children can help them socialise with their peers. Even if they may be shy, having you there with them can give them some comfort and allow them to relax more.

If they’re a bit older like teenagers, then they might be more reluctant or downright indignant about the idea of you setting them up with their peers. In this case, you can suggest places where they can meet like-minded people such as:

• The local library or bookstores
• Somewhere they can do volunteer work
• Sports leagues
• The local park

Final Thoughts

For children with a more introverted or shy personality, it can be difficult for them to make friends at school. However, this doesn’t mean that they can’t do so. As a parent, you will want to know how to help your child make friends at school and while there are things you can do to help, it’s ultimately up to them on how to deal with the challenge. As parents, we can only offer them some help and support and be with them when things become too difficult.

Here are some excellent growth mindset quotes for kids.

Click here if you want to learn how to raise a responsible child.

References:

1. Cleaveland Clinic, 8 Ways to Help Your Child Make Friends in School, 2016 November. Link here.
2. Gwen Dewar Ph.D., How to help kids make friends: 10 evidence-based tips, 2013. Link here.
3. Education.com, Nobody Likes Me: Helping Children Make Friends, 2009 March. Link here.
4. Amanda Morin, 10 Ways to Help Your Grade-Schooler Connect With Other Kids. Link here.
5. Samantha Kemp-Jackson, When Your Child Doesn’t Have Friends, Here’s What To Do, 2019 June. Link here.
6. Denise Mann, Making Friends: What to Do When Your Child Can’t, 2007 February. Link here.
7. Linda Diproperzio, Social Development Milestones: Ages 1 to 4, 2013. Link here.
8. Priyunka, How to Make Friends Outside of Your University, 2017 October. Link here.