There’s a lot of parenting advice. A lot of dos and don’ts, and it can get overwhelming at times.
As parents, we want the best for our kids and want to make sure that we do it all “right.” But there are so many little things to remember and so much guilt about any time we might mess up.
Number One Tip to Feel Encouraged and Empowered as a Parent
The other day, I watched a video from Derek at Knives Ship Free. While talking about knife safety, he said:
“Kids love you and model their lives after you. One of the kindest things that you can do for them is to live your life the way that you want them to live theirs.”
What a powerful thought! How I live my own life can be a gift to my kids. I’m showing them how to navigate this world with more than lecturers, nagging, or long lists of rules. I don’t know how to keep up with all of the parenting advice perfectly, but I can be living my best life!
I don’t fully control my kids – I can’t MAKE them say thank you to grandma – but I do control myself. This is empowering. And a bit of a challenge – I can’t expect my kids to act and live in ways that I am unwilling to act. What I do is big in determining what my kids do.
What are you modeling for your kids?
Kids are always listening and watching. They pick up on what we say, do, and believe. Think about the phrase monkey see, monkey do. Your actions are your kids’ loudest teacher. Your own life is a model for the language, behaviors, and beliefs that you’d like to see.
Feel encouraged!
Think of that time that you waited patiently in a line, took some deep breaths when angry, stopped to smell the flowers, or gave someone your seat on the bus.
Your kids were taking notice of each of these small moments. Be encouraged – they’re already learning lots of amazing things!
Take time to define your values.
Who would you like your kids to grow into? What traits would you like for them? It can be helpful to sit down and think through your values and write a simple family mission statement.
After you have a clear idea of your values, find ways to model all of those beliefs. Take a look at yourself and ask,
- “When I do ________, what do me kids see? What belief am I sharing?”
- “How can I model ________(resilience/compassion/problem-solving/honesty) right now?”
And as a bonus, you’ll be growing into the best version of yourself.
Think through any challenging areas with your kids and brainstorm ways you can actively model what you’d like to see.
- Want your kids to say thank you? Say thank you!
- Don’t want your kids swearing? Swear less! [1]
- Do you want your kids to put their phones down? Put your phone down!
- Want your kids to eat certain foods? Sit down, have a family meal, and calmly eat what you’re serving your kids. [2]
- Want your kids to be respectful? Be respectful to your partner, the waitress, your kid’s teacher, and your kids!
- Want your kids to read more? Sit down on the couch with your book and take time to read in front of your kids!
- Want your kids to be more active? Get active! [3]
What about when you mess up or don’t model the best behavior?
The times you mess up can be some of the BEST modeling moments!
Remember that no one is perfect and that mistakes are simply learning opportunities. What a great mindset to give our kids!
When you mess up, you’ll have a chance to model how to accept failure or apologize and accept responsibility for your actions. These are critical skills that your kids need.
So have no fear when you lose your temper, say something rude about your mother-in-law, or mess up a new recipe.
Take a moment to address what happened with your kids:
- “Earlier I got really angry and then I _______. It was okay to be angry, but I’m sorry that I _______. What do you think I could do instead the next time that happens? What helps you when you’re angry?”
- “I was really excited to make dinner, and now I burned it and made a big mess. Mistakes happen! Next time I think I will _______.”
- “Gosh, I just said some really rude words about Grandma! How do you think that would make her feel if she heard those? I’m sorry that I said that. Next time I’m feeling frustrated, I think I’ll talk to her about it instead of talking behind her back.”
Final Thoughts
Living your life the way you’d like your kids to live theirs is truly one of the kindest things you can do for them. It’s by living your best life that your kids can live their best life. Take time to grow and take care of yourself. The healthier and happier you are, the better your family will be!
What’s the first small change you will make to practice what you preach?
References
1. https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2015/08/07/kids-are-learning-curse-words-earlier-than-they-used-to/
2. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0002822301001341
3. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0021755713001836?via%3Dihub
Author:
Laurel is an early childhood educator, parenting coach, and lover of the outdoors. She shares her knowledge and experience by writing for Kids Who Play.
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